Tartan Army Fine by Faddy and Fletch of the TAMB

Written by Smithy on January 15th, 2010

You may have seen the "Facebook Fine" stuff floating about the internet recently.

Faddy and Fletch from the Tartan Army Message Board has come up with a Tartan Army version.

Only count each fine once, no matter how many times you've done it. Only count it if you've done it on tour on on a match day at home.

1. Lost your Glengarry -£5
2. Lost your sporran - £5
3. Lost your phone - £5
4. Booed the team - £5
5. Flashed your arse at the locals on tour - £10
6. Worn boxers under your kilt - £10
7. Worn trainers with your kilt - £10
8. Talked about Scotland on Sky Sports News - £10
9. Booed an opponent's National anthem - £10
10. Had all your drink taken off you at customs - £10
11. Been in a bar/restaurant abroad and left without paying because you forgot that you pay at the end in almost every country in the World except Scotland - £15
12. Been in the home end at an away game (not England or Macedonia) - £15
13. Had a drink with Jimbers - £15
14. Taken drugs that are legal in the country your were in but not legal in Scotland - £20
15. Worn boxers over your jeans – £20
16. Lost your passport - £20
17. Been given a fixed penalty notice for drinking outside Hampden - £20
18. Been given a fixed penalty notice for pishing in the street - £20
19. Had an argument about club football - £20
20. Pulled a local girl on tour - £25
21. Pulled a local girl on tour, added her to Facebook and watched in horror as she added your girlfriend - £30
22. Pulled a Scottish girl on tour (not your bird) - £30
23. Been in the home end in Macedonia - £30
24. Been part of a pitch invasion - £35
25. Fallen asleep during a match - £35
26. Spent all your money in a casino - £35
27. Been a secret guest at a SFA meeting - £40
28. Taken time off work to watch Scotland play at any level other than the 1st team - £45
29. Been in the home end at Wembley - £50
30. Missed your flight - £50
31. Gone on tour with nothing but what you are wearing and a toothbrush - £55
32. Missed a Scotland game to watch a club game - £60
33. Been with a hooker - £75
34. Been with two hookers at the same time - £80
35. Been in a fight with a Scotland fan - £80
36. Got to a country via a country that England are about to play in (not England though) - £85
37. Lost your ticket - £90
38. Woke up next to a Scotland fan of the same sex that you didn't know - £95
39. Been arrested at a home match - £100
40. Spent all your time on tour trying to sell stuff to other fans - £110
41. Been with a hooker that hasn't always been a woman - £120
42. Booked a holiday and then realised it classes with a Scotland match - £120
43. Been on tour without your partner knowing you were going - £150
44. Stayed up boozing with the players until 9am days before an important qualifier - £175
45. Been arrested at an away match - £200

I have £135 in fines - not too bad!  So how about you?

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